SEX 101

boredom settled upon me like a layer of thousand year old dust. yep, that bad, considering i ve forgotten how to entertain myself these days with means other than a computer, a good book, or wild flights of fancy. lawd lawd lawd. the cry of the laptop on the digital veldt. i sat down and messed around with al gore's alleged invention and stumbled upon this nifty sex site. nookie has been one of the predominant things on my mind, probably because i havent been getting enough of it. this site is awesome, especially when it comes to the kama sutra. dont you know how hard it is to find a decent site with free descriptions of kama sutra positions? yep i admit i m a cheap bastard. it pays to be cheap.

gotta love the elaborate (to the point of absurdity) descriptions.

Stiff as a pole in the bed's center,
she lies making love,
cooing and warbling like a woodpigeon,
the jewel of her clitoris well-polished:
this is Mausala (the Pestle).

Kneeling between her thighs,
tickle her breasts and under her arms,
call her 'my lovely darling'
and print deep nailmarks around her nipples:
thus Jaya (Victory) is expounded.

With delicate fingertips,
pinch the arched lips of her house of love
very very slowly together,
and kiss them as though you kissed her lower lip:
this is Adhara-sphuritam (the Quivering Kiss).

Cup, lift her young buttocks,
let your tongue-tip probe her navel, slither down
to rotate skilfully in the archway
of the love-god's dwelling and lap her love-water:
this is Uchchushita (Sucked Up).


this one made me chuckle. do i dare? who knew a monkey's turd would be capable of erasing a man s frustration at satisfying his lover... not that i m saying i have that problem :o

To Enslave a Lover:
Anoint your penis, before lovemaking,
with honey into which
you have powered black pepper,
long pepper and datura (the green thorn apple)
it will utterly devastate your lady.
Leaves caught as they fall from trees
and powdered with peacock-bone
and fragments of a corpse's winding-sheet
will, when dusted lightly
on the penis, bewitch any woman living.
If you crush milky chunks of cactus
with sulphur and realgar,
dry the mixture seven times, powder it
and apply it to your penis,
you'll satisfy the most demanding lover.
And if, to these powerful ingredients,
you add a monkey's turd,
grind them together and sprinkle the powder
on your unsuspecting lover's head,
she will be your devoted slave for life.

jesus! well i had better go wasp hunting before the cold drives them away, and how do i explain to my folks the hole in my bed!?

Enlarging the Penis or Yoni (Vagina):
First rub your penis with wasp stings
and massage it with sweet oil.
When it swells, let it dangle for ten nights
through a hole in your bed,
going to sleep each night on your stomach.
After this period use a cool ointment
to remove the pain and swelling.
By this method men ... of insatiable
sexual appetite, manage to keep
their penises enlarged throughout their lives.
By applying an ointment made from
crushed barleria leave
to her yoni , the elephant (large) woman
can spend at least one night
discovering the delights of being a doe (small woman).
Likewise the doe can use honey
mixed with powdered roots
of lotus, madder, sal (tree of aromatic gum),
the blue lotus and the mongoose plant
to accomodate a stallion for one night.

an e-demonstration of the respective male and female orgasmic experience

an interesting dissertation on male kegels and how it can lead to a multi-orgasmic experience for the dumber half of the species. speaking of multi-orgasms, i oughta go practice.

kudos.