The Road to Dune

He came curiously to the realization that he no longer cared where he was in the universe. He felt that he had lived a preassigned role and come to the end of it without an audience. There should be applause, he thought, but there's no audience. Well-remembered stars occupied their positions in the sky, but they no longer represented directions to him nor could he think of them as signposts. There was merely space all around him laid out against an enormous background of Time. The stars peered past him and through him like the empty eyes of his subject people. They were the sealed eyes of ignorance, always seeking to avoid their responsive status as human senses. They were the eyes from which nothing escaped.
-Paul Muad'dib
The Road To Dune by Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson

This excerpt is a part of the original ending of Dune Messiah, which was edited out for publication reasons. The Road to Dune is a storehouse of treasures, featuring deleted bits and pieces of Dune and Dune Messiah. It gives the reader an insight of the master's thoughts and views at the time. This collection also includes the original notes for an article about sand dunes enroaching a small town in oregon, and the steps taken to harness the problem(a special kind of grass with roots that interlock underground, similar to the growth of mycelium). It is interesting to note that countries smack dab in deserts such as Israel were immensely interested in the innovations made in Oregon, so interested that they sent experts overseas on a fact-finding expedition. This is the very endeavour that inspired the Dune novels.

The Road of Dune also includes the original Dune novel intended for publication, entitled The Spice World, with familiar characters with unfamiliar names. The Spice World was written to conform to the publisher's view of the expected length of a science-fiction novel of the time. Thank god Herbert decided to forge on and write the longest science-fiction novel known at the time, refusing to sell out to the expectations of the time. After over twenty rejections by publishers just because it was too long and too complex, an editor at Chilton (known as the publisher of auto repair handbooks) took the risk and brought Dune into publication. The editor lost his job because of this, but thanks to his insight, one of the greatest novels ever published hit the bookshelves. The Road to Dune also includes four original short stories by Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson. The short stories span the Dune saga, from Dune by Frank, the prequel Dune novels by the duo, and the Legends of Dune, also by the duo. This book is a worthy read if you are a hardcore fan of the Dune novels.

I also have heard that the duo is working on a seventh book, detailing the events after Chapterhouse: Dune, where Duncan and Sheena have escaped into the next universe with the last surviving sandworm, from which the spice flows. I dont know the veracity of this, considering the authors are very busy with their own projects these days, though the thought is nice...

SEX 101

boredom settled upon me like a layer of thousand year old dust. yep, that bad, considering i ve forgotten how to entertain myself these days with means other than a computer, a good book, or wild flights of fancy. lawd lawd lawd. the cry of the laptop on the digital veldt. i sat down and messed around with al gore's alleged invention and stumbled upon this nifty sex site. nookie has been one of the predominant things on my mind, probably because i havent been getting enough of it. this site is awesome, especially when it comes to the kama sutra. dont you know how hard it is to find a decent site with free descriptions of kama sutra positions? yep i admit i m a cheap bastard. it pays to be cheap.

gotta love the elaborate (to the point of absurdity) descriptions.

Stiff as a pole in the bed's center,
she lies making love,
cooing and warbling like a woodpigeon,
the jewel of her clitoris well-polished:
this is Mausala (the Pestle).

Kneeling between her thighs,
tickle her breasts and under her arms,
call her 'my lovely darling'
and print deep nailmarks around her nipples:
thus Jaya (Victory) is expounded.

With delicate fingertips,
pinch the arched lips of her house of love
very very slowly together,
and kiss them as though you kissed her lower lip:
this is Adhara-sphuritam (the Quivering Kiss).

Cup, lift her young buttocks,
let your tongue-tip probe her navel, slither down
to rotate skilfully in the archway
of the love-god's dwelling and lap her love-water:
this is Uchchushita (Sucked Up).


this one made me chuckle. do i dare? who knew a monkey's turd would be capable of erasing a man s frustration at satisfying his lover... not that i m saying i have that problem :o

To Enslave a Lover:
Anoint your penis, before lovemaking,
with honey into which
you have powered black pepper,
long pepper and datura (the green thorn apple)
it will utterly devastate your lady.
Leaves caught as they fall from trees
and powdered with peacock-bone
and fragments of a corpse's winding-sheet
will, when dusted lightly
on the penis, bewitch any woman living.
If you crush milky chunks of cactus
with sulphur and realgar,
dry the mixture seven times, powder it
and apply it to your penis,
you'll satisfy the most demanding lover.
And if, to these powerful ingredients,
you add a monkey's turd,
grind them together and sprinkle the powder
on your unsuspecting lover's head,
she will be your devoted slave for life.

jesus! well i had better go wasp hunting before the cold drives them away, and how do i explain to my folks the hole in my bed!?

Enlarging the Penis or Yoni (Vagina):
First rub your penis with wasp stings
and massage it with sweet oil.
When it swells, let it dangle for ten nights
through a hole in your bed,
going to sleep each night on your stomach.
After this period use a cool ointment
to remove the pain and swelling.
By this method men ... of insatiable
sexual appetite, manage to keep
their penises enlarged throughout their lives.
By applying an ointment made from
crushed barleria leave
to her yoni , the elephant (large) woman
can spend at least one night
discovering the delights of being a doe (small woman).
Likewise the doe can use honey
mixed with powdered roots
of lotus, madder, sal (tree of aromatic gum),
the blue lotus and the mongoose plant
to accomodate a stallion for one night.

an e-demonstration of the respective male and female orgasmic experience

an interesting dissertation on male kegels and how it can lead to a multi-orgasmic experience for the dumber half of the species. speaking of multi-orgasms, i oughta go practice.

kudos.

SONGS OF THE MORBID by yours truly

take a dump
its almost as good as going for a hump
it s not as godly as a fart
but in itself it is a form of art
say good bye to your bowels
and go easy on the butt rubbing towels

eat beans, show your appreciation for the gastronomical chorus
beans are a delight to eat and expel
eat beans, and piss your sister off her horse
beans are how you make your butt yell

what makes a burp holy, you may ask
its quite the exciting task
forcing hot air up your esophagus
nothing like a thaumaturgus
to make your day
after a stint at the buffet

on cold days it s a major dwarf,
but get it going, it ll morph
into something gosh darn tall,
(or at least it thinks so)
always up for a good ball
(though its known to blow)
get it too eager
its mind becomes meager
and its single eye is bound to tear
and shrink without a care

it can be as yellow as the sun
or have the color of none
some hours it s an ocean pouring out
other hours it s a drought
nevertheless its always good
because you know you should
your kidney will thank you
besides, its faster than a poo

MY CRAZY WIFE... AGAIN by yours truly

My wife.
So vital... so insane.
A feral creature from the mire of human legend.
She lurched above me.
Pounding me into the bed.
I felt a beam break.
There goes another paycheck.
She howled fuck the Red Sox!
I wondered what the Red Sox had done to her.
Fuck the White Sox!
That I could understand.
Bleaching whites weren't exactly her strongest suit.
She collapsed over me.
Buried my face in her lovely quivering globes.
And proceeded to choke me half to death.
Good time for the bed to split apart.
Like the San Andreas fault.
Sweet, sweet air!
There's such a thing as too much love.
Almost worth that nail in the ass.
Still gasping for oxygen, I looked up.
Big mistake.
Not again.
I knew I shouldn't have installed that chandelier.
For the third time.
You would have thought I'd have learned something.
Me Jane, you Tarzan!
A shadow descended upon me.
Oh crap.
My wife.

MY CRAZY WIFE by yours truly

Not everyone could boast having a crazy wife.
Not that I'm saying your wife isn't, mind you.
She probably is.
You know how wives can be.
But my missus, she was honest to God full-blown batshit.
Mood swings.
Invisible friends.
Flying frogs dripping golden ichor while singing lamentations.
The whole she-bang.
She definitely fit the bill.
The poster girl for Sunnyvale Sanitarium.
And that was just on her good days!
And I loved her.
Doctors called it schizoprenia.
Her condition, not me loving her.
I called it an interesting distraction.
Again, her condition, not me loving her.
There was an upside to the whole off her rocker affair.
There always is.
She could never get enough of it.
Everyone should know what I am talking about when I say "it."
Boy, after a long, hard day at work it's a long, hard night in the sack.
She was quite imaginative.
I reckon being crazy had something to do with it.
It helped to be a good sport.
That was the third bed in six months.
It also helped to have a fat paycheck at the end of each month.
But I drew the line at fire throwing in bed.
She called that particular position Great Balls of Fire.
I didn't want to make it literal.
She was a beast between the sheets.
And outside the sheets.
In the kitchen.
In the fireplace (don't ask).
On the roof (I told you she was imaginative).
In the-- well, you get the idea.
The contortations of her face would have put Linda Blair to shame.
Hell, if a priest ever performed a coitus interruptus, well, hello thar, exorcism!
I reckon an exorcism would probably have helped.
After all she was schizoprenic.
Isn't that just another word for being beset with demons?